Luau--Decatur Island style
Step One: First invite 50 of your closest friends to your pad on Decatur Island for four days.
Step Two: Purchase an 81lb pig from Bob's Quality Meats.
Step Three: Get that pig on a ferry. We suggest the Island Express.
Step Four: Thaw.
Step Five: Borrow your dad's backhoe and dig a big hole in the ground. Throw in a bunch of rocks and alder branches. Start the fire.
Step Six: Rub Babe down with a spicy mix of Cayenne, Pepper, Salt, Cumin, Paprika and whatever else has been sitting in your spice rack for over five years.
Step Seven: Wrap the pig in banana leaves and a burlap sack and place on a bed of cabbage atop a metal grate (see photo above).
Step Eight: Once the rocks are glowing and the fire is hot, lower the metal grate onto the heat. Make sure you have friends around who are strong and have maybe participated in a Luau before. May we suggest inviting Brock Bullard.
Step Nine: Remove the rope you used to lower the pig. Cover pig with more cabbage, more alder branches, and a tarp. Go to bed and pray that the pig will actually cook--about 12 hours.
Step Ten: Remove Babe. Test her with a meat thermometer. She should be about 170 degrees Fahrenheit. Cut her up and put all of her bones in that big fire-pit hole and fill it with dirt. Serve with coleslaw, buns, and plenty of beer.